Is Vulnerability the antidote to shame?
When we are open, transparent and vulnerable we ‘expose’ what we may hide at other times.
Shame exists because of keeping our vulnerability and other uncomfortable feelings secret.
Brené Brown wrote ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’.
In the video below Brené says the “Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.” and
“Vulnerability is the birth place of Innovation, Creativity and Change.”
Do you know the difference between guilt and shame? Watch the video to find out!
A while back I was processing some of my own vulnerability and shame and I wrote a poem which you can find below the video.
I feel very vulnerable sharing this poem on a public post.
Brené Brown: Listening to shame
Shame
Feeling to blame
Shame
Feeling ashamed
Stumm gemacht.
(made dumb)
Shamed myself
Again and again
Scared to express
Feeling a mess
Feeling depressed.
The only choice
Was not to have a voice.
Living in a cage
Of internal suppressed rage
Of the darkness inside
From hiding my light
In the fear
That it might be too bright
And again and again
Exposing the shame.
Who is to blame?
Carrying the pain
Playing the game
Hiding in vain
Trapped in shame.
Tell the story
The end of shame
Expose it to the light
Face the fear
Of annihilation
Condemnation
Exposure
Exile!
No no no
It is too scary
Can’t face
The shame again.
Hide my face
My words
My feelings
Stay in the shadow
Hide it all
The good
Because it may be bad.
What is good?
What is bad?
So much confusion
Feeling crazy
From not knowing.
How to tell the difference?
Too scared to speak
To be
To move.
Numb
Dumb
Frozen.
Wanting to hide
Run
Disappear
Play dead
Feeling the shame
Either way
Or instead.
Be someone!
You are no good!
Who do you think you are?
A nobody
No good
Never get very far
Why even try
When I cause the shame?
Look at you
You are to blame
Put us to shame!
It’s not true!
Yes it is!
Shut up!
Voices from the past
Telling lies
Their way of surviving
It is all in the past.
What if I could believe
I am safe
All of me is now free to express
Whatever she wants
And she can get out of this mess.
Let go of the shame
The blame and the pain
And it is safe
To be
To have a voice
To have a choice
To be heard.
She is worthy
To have her story known
To be shown
Set free to be
To be known.
Leave a Comment below!
Share this!
Empower Yourself through Awareness 
Yorinda, love the poem! We do need an antidote to shame and embarrassment, I think we have all felt it at some time in our lives.
LikeLike
Lovely poem Yorinda, have added the youtube video to my watch later list, Brene Brown is amazing. Thanks for sharing!
LikeLike
Your poem is beautiful. Good for you for sharing it publicly! I think the key phrase there is that you’re worthy. I’ve had my own journey out of shame and into worthiness and vulnerability. I love Brene Brown’s talks – – so powerful.
LikeLike
Yorinda, You have written an amazing poem! I’m so glad you have found a way to heal from shame and have the courage to share your truth will all of us. Thank you for always being honest about your past and using it to help others learn from your life. I also appreciate the video that you included in this post.
Love and light,
Shelley
LikeLike
Yorinda,
you sure know how to research and share with us all great information that touches our whole being.
Brené Brown Ted video is amazing to understand how “shame” lead to the vulnerability, courage and innovation (love the name vulnerability Ted 🙂 she is so good to bring all together for all of us to “get it” and thinking back, wow, I done it so many times but never seen the connection.
Thanks so much for your great research and to bring this on the open for all of us who happen to read your great articles.
_nickc
LikeLike
Yorinda,
Do you have any idea how much shame every one of us carries? Some of us, like myself, have done a lot of inner work and have shared our inner shame with caring (and sometime not so caring professionals, colleagues, friends, even strangers). But there always lurks within us a few unresolved, unexpressed areas of shame. We feel that we are not as good as we pretend to be. We feel that we are not as capable as others. And the list goes on.
Shame is insidious and easily blocks our creativity, courage and strength in any endeavor.
Bravo! Sharing your poignant poem about the deadly grip your shame had upon you is a totally courageous act and I applaud you for stepping out like that. And in the process, you are making it easier for people who read your post to allow their own vulnerability to show through, just a bit more.
Thanks,
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
LikeLike
Ah Yorinda – a very moving poem – I felt your vulnerability and can understand your reluctance to share it in a public place – but it’s beautiful and the words will touch everyone who reads them.
LikeLike
Shame has a lot of negative energy on it. It’s blaming yourself and it dwells on the past. Vulnerability on the other hand is like putting yourself out in the open. It’s about being open to receive opportunities, which I think has more positive energy into it.
LikeLike
Interesting video, Brené explained very good. Thanks
LikeLike
Thanks Yorinda for sharing your heart with us!
So true that shame can paralyze and stifle innovation and creativity! Since I deal with a good number of people daily, I have found that shame locks a lot of great gifts and potentials up in people. We must always work hard at stepping out and risk being vulnerable! I believe that great leaders face and embrace vulnerability regularly but it is even better if one can create an atmosphere around one where people feel a little safer to be vulnerable.
The poem is very touching! – “she is worthy to have her story known”.
LikeLike
Thank you, Yorinda, for sharing your poem and that excellent TED talk. I’m a big fan of the TED talks – my only regret is that I’ll probably never get to see them all!
Recognizing that vulnerability is a form of courage is big, and managing shame is tough for all of us. How did you handle your feelings about posting that poem – did you find yourself questioning whether or not to do it?
Alan
LikeLike
Yorinda!
I love the way Brene explains that Vulnerability is courage. The birth place of creativity and change. It does take courage to expose what we are vulnerable about.
When it comes to shame, it is something that we need to talk about because we all have it! But when we acknowledge it, we can turn that shame around to our benefit with a good sense of humor.
I enjoyed watching this awesome video and when it came to your poem…Wow….I love it!
-Donna
LikeLike
Yorinda, I have given up both emotions being in my live thoughts and surroundings. I have faith and knowing what I do and who I believe in frees me from such emotions until I ascend. That is my faith and life as I live.
Everyone makes live so difficult when it is so easy and nothing but pleasure is the end result when you truly live your life. We all are given one thing and that is choice. You must be held responsible for everything you allow in and around your lifestyle. You one day will have to face responsibility and accountability without negative emotions. That is all it is what you belief and visualize is. Your world is not the same as anyone else you make it daily. Based on choice each moment, you have changed you future over and over again.
Allowing emotions to interfere with choices is part of the challenge we all have to face. Stop over analyzing everything and just know the fundamentals then only find the good in each situation and things including people.
Yorinda, you have so much to give us your readers and we do love each moment. You inspire this reader to do good, love good and find good in everyone plus thing. Thank you…
LikeLike
Hi Yorinda,
Inspiring piece here!
Thanks for sharing your powerful poem too! I have listened to a similar inner dialog; really, one path to liberation is through self-expression. Speak your mind. Embrace your inner critic, feel the fear and do it anyway. Share the private struggles because it inspires both you and people who need to hear the message now.
I remember why I share my deepest feelings at times and feel vulnerable; I was inspired by people who did the same. If they could be brave so could I, this is what I believe, and I know that by sharing my story I can inspire so many more people to do the same.
Thanks for sharing your poem Yorinda, I appreciate you!
Ryan
LikeLike
I love that video! Shame paralyzes us but almost always the feeling is stronger than the actual effect. At one point in my life I had enormous shame over spending some of my 401k savings on an expensive Tony Robbins Seminar and tried to keep the fact from my accountant Dad. For years I tried to hide the fact and when I finally came clean all he said was, “It’s your money. I would have kept it in my 401k if it was mine but you can choose.” Ha! years of deception and worry for that!
LikeLike
P.S. Your poem is very moving and shares the up and down experience of shame beautifully!
LikeLike
Hi Yorinda,
Thank you very much for your advice I really like your list and overview .
Rosemary
LikeLike
Hi Yorinda,
Yes, we keep many of uncomfortable feelings secret. We don’t want people to know we are vulnerable to certain things. On the one hand it is a kind of cultural conditioning. Society teaches us to behave this way. On the other hand it is fear. Fear of what might happen when our uncomfortable feelings are exposed and known. Unfortunately life shows us that a lot of people will try to take advantage of our vulnerabilities.
Result? We need courage to tell the truth and show other people what we feel. This is true on the internet, too. In the blogging world we have that interesting principle: if you cannot say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
I think the principle is related to the fear people have of telling what they feel, expressing their feelings, being honest, telling the truth etc. Why? I don’t know why. I don’t want to think about why.
Have a wonderful day
LikeLike
The thing about saying something nice or not at all depends on how the reader and writer are carrying the message.
A lot of it is misunderstood due to a person’s writing methods. What I say may not be translated through when read by another and may come across as abrasive.
I don’t have this problem as I tell it how it is. It just makes it easier and leaves out any passive-aggressiveness which a lot of people don’t like. And if I’m wrong, I’ll admit it.
——-
The difference is taking responsibility and making sure the path of your message and who you are, whether it is within yourself or between you and other people, is clear and understood. Don’t you think so? 🙂
LikeLike
Wonderful poem..thank you for sharing it with us. 🙂
It’s natural to feel this way, much like feeling fear. It is how you overcome your vulnerability that will take it away.
LikeLike
Hey Yorinda! A very interesting video indeed! I also want to thank you for sharing this very heart felt poem of yours. Sometimes it is hard for us to be Real HUH? Not quite sure as to why? Perhaps we just don’t want others ti know that we are vulnerable…Chery :))
LikeLike
Hi Chery,
glad you found the video interesting!
Yes, it seems to be strange that is isn’t easy to be vulnerable.
Appearently our safety lies in our vulnerability.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could quickly reprogram our neural pathways to believe that?
Thank you for your comment!
Love and Light
Yorinda
LikeLike
Yorinda, just had to return and facing fear has been around me with all my community leaders all this year when our 20 year Mayor retired. I felt that he has done all that is to be and now we will have change which to most is scary. I face it with hope and dedication to do my part to make it work. Hey, as long as we know the fundamentals we move forward with adjustments along the way.
Great article and video share it is moving and makes us all wake-up per say.
LikeLike
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable certainly is an act of courage.
You’ve displayed that with your own inspirational poem, Yorinda.
Thanks for that, and for sharing a wonderful Ted Talk. It certainly makes us apt to take some more daring chances than we might otherwise.
LikeLike
Yorinda,
We cannot be vulnerable when we feel shame. The shame keeps us hiding because we believe there is something wrong with us and if we tell others about it they will add salt to the wound. Once we are able to express the truth about our shame to someone else, or even just to our self, then we can more easily be vulnerable with another person. Once we know the cause of our shame and are able to see it as such, and not as “who we are,” then we can stop worrying about how another person will react and we can be vulnerable with others.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
LikeLike
Hi Yorinda, your poem is great! I enjoyed the video also – I’ve never thought about the difference between vulnerability and shame before. Having something shared on Youtube like that has certainly brought the topic out in the open, that lady was certainly very courageous.
LikeLike